Weight loss - pish posh and...Brother n Laws

Losing weight was not my New Year's resolution. Though it should have been, it isn't near as motivating as moving to the beach.

If my body was a machine, it would be like a snack vending machine...where the snack gets stuck. And if I could step outside and look at myself, I would shake myself or try to rock myself back and forth wondering WHY the damn thing doesn't process fat like it used to. What the FU*K? I have asked myself this, as I look in the mirror the last 5 years.

No, I am not a Fat Ass. And I say this, because I have been dieting since we decided to move. And something about dieting more than 3 days, makes you think...I'll be damned, I think I am looking better.

Oh, there are days where I say, "WHY WHY WHY am I not in a different size!" Sure that was the second day, but still.

And of course, weight is coming off with this intense effort, but WHERE is it coming off....my tits. Again, WHY WHY WHY? And again, if my body were a machine, I would like to be a Treadmill, where you just punch in Time and Incline. Instead, I would punch in time, and Area of Fat to target. Would that not be great!?

Why haven't doctors figured this out? Why can we remove a heart from a cadaver, and fly it cross nations, and insert it into another human being...yet, we cannot analyze fat types relating to areas of the body, and mix a little pill called TARGET. As in, Target this area.

I hate diets. BUT, for the first time in 10 years, I have lost weight. So, here is the recipe for weight loss - and this is free of charge.

1. Get off your ass.
2. Stop eating.

There ya have it.

Of course, "Get off your ass" for me, meant:

Quit my job
Get on the right Anxiety meds
Check into an Alcohol Abuse center
Quit drinking nightly
Convert from Coke to Coffee w. no fat cream
And move AWAY from the computer that I have camped at for 10 years - and pack my house up, have an estate sale, clean like a maniac

And "Stop Eating" meant stop eating.

Is that easy or what?!

The truth is, there is no quick fix to lose weight. It is a slow painful process. But my tankini awaits. And though I detest using the word TANKINI, and curse the idiot who made it up (because I swear I knew this girl and high-school...and she was a dork), I still want one....a really sporty one. So I can show off the new tattoo I haven't landed on yet.

Speaking of Tankinis, I have a brother n law that will not say any word ending in "I" or "Y" that sounds to girly. Is this an identity crisis or just something I will miss about him when he dies? My two favorite examples of this are two things he loves, but won't say. "Biggie" He won't say he wants a BIGGIE fry McDonalds. And "Dinky Doozie" - this is a cookie sold at the mall. Instead, the ordering goes like this. "And I'll have the BIG fry" or "3 of those, please."

What's wrong with him. Now THIS is 1 less thing I can worry about...my brother n law and his hang ups.